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MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR RELATER STYLE
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Spend some time thinking about what will make you happy (besides making others happy). Write down everything you uncover, then work at stating your wants and needs to others, and asking for help when you need it. Relaters find it easy to give, but difficult to receive. Realize that you are actually doing those who care about you a favor, by letting them know your wants, needs and desires. Like you, many people enjoy helping others. However, the other types just don’t anticipate needs in the way you do. Learn to ask for what you want...you'll improve communication and results in all your relationships.
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Learn to care for and appreciate yourself to the same degree that you are willing to care for others. If you find this too difficult to do, keep reminding yourself of the old (and true) axiom..."you cannot give to others wholly until you, yourself are whole".
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Be more assertive. Learn to say what you think and feel and to state your position, especially when asked. It may seem easier and more agreeable to say, “whatever you want” when asked for your opinion or position, but others wouldn’t ask you if they didn’t want to know. Part of building good relationships is good communication, which is impossible unless both parties are willing to express themselves openly and honestly.
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Practice making decisions and don’t let an occasional wrong decision trip you up. Everyone makes wrong decisions. It’s how we learn to improve our decision-making skills. Before you ask someone else’s advice or opinion, try to come up with a solution on your own, then try your idea out. If you find you are stumped after two or three tries, you can always seek help, but let that be the last option not the very first one.
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People won’t always be happy with everything you do, no matter how hard you try, so learn to trust your own instincts when taking action. You are really good at counseling and advising others. Learn to give yourself the benefit of your own counsel.
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Don’t let anger and frustrations build to the point of exploding. If you express that you are angry or upset before feelings get too intense, you will have greater control over your responses and will be much more pleased with how you handle yourself. If you wait until you are angry or frustrated enough to blow up, you will leave the encounter feeling bad and more than likely nothing will have been resolved. Let people know that they have angered or upset you when the incident occurs and is fresh in your mind and the mind of the perpetrator. Don’t worry about sounding harsh or too critical. With your level of concern for others, it isn’t likely you’ll overdo it unless you let it go too far before you act.
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Develop interests independent of your mate or significant other. Your devotion is admirable, but both of you will benefit from time spent pursuing your own interests. Independent activities will help to build your sense of self and will give you something interesting to discuss with your mate.
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Work on developing any skills you may lack. If you have always let your spouse handle the finances, for example, take over a part of the chore and learn to do this on your own. Each time you master a new skill your self-esteem will go up.